Our New Low Carb Lifestyle

Seasoned tilapia with tons of green veggies. Yum!

As part of our adoption process Mike and I were each required to get a notarized letter from our doctor declaring our health to be not something that should interfere with our ability to parent. I've had regular physicals every couple years and because of my regular exercise my bloodwork always comes back really good. I'm hyper vigilant because my dad passed away from a heart attack at a very young age.

Mike has not been so careful with his health since we moved to Texas and the results of his physical were predictably bad. He is cursed with bad genes and on top of that here in Houston he has a very long commute and an abundance of great food. The good news is that Mike is extremely self-disciplined when he wants to be and he has reversed bad cholesterol and blood glucose results before with exercise and careful eating. This physical was just the impetus he needed to change things up in a big way.

So now Mike has embarked on a very scientific analysis of what affects his blood sugar. He tests twice a day, goes for long walks around our neighborhood, and has cut his carbs to extremely low levels. His diet is almost paleo, except for some cheese and beer. He can't give up beer and he has found that it doesn't seem to have much effect on his sugar.

Sausage, asparagus and a foil packet of carrots and snap peas.

The natural by-product of Mike's diet changes is eating at home more and me cooking very differently than I'm used to. I relied heavily on pasta, rice and bread as a staple of every meal and now those are completely cut from our dinners. We have discovered some cool helps like Egg Beaters egg whites in a carton, which make breakfasts a little faster and more delicious. We eat more meat and veggies than I ever dreamed possible. Even the kids are eating a ton more vegetables now that there is no pasta and only a tiny bit of bread available to them.

I confess that I still eat grains, especially when Mike isn't around. On our date night the other night I had an ice cream cone while poor Mike had nothing. Now if he eats something high in refined sugar he feels sick. He didn't have a huge sweet tooth before anyway. But I am eating a lot less grains and it feels pretty good. Mike is losing weight pretty fast, of course. Sometimes he gets sick of almonds and peanut butter but his habits have changed and the diet is the new normal.

And thank goodness for Pinterest, a visual plethora of awesome paleo recipes!

Now I need your help...any good suggestions for low-carb breakfasts, lunches or snacks? 

Fashion Friday: Men's Edition

Father's Day is coming. I, for one, do not like buying my husband stuff he says he needs like socks. I love shopping for really stylish clothing items for him...except that most of what I like he would never wear. We've made definite progress though so it's worth the effort to try.

I am fortunate enough to have a few very stylish guy friends, some of whom even use Pinterest. I have a Men's Fashion board on Pinterest that I use to collect looks that catch my eye. So today I'll share some of what I like here, and maybe it'll inspire you in your Father's Day shopping. 

Let's start with the suit. Of course we really can't go buy a suit as a gift, but maybe we could take our guy shopping for one. A well-tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men. 

via Pinterest

Of course, Bradley Cooper doesn't hurt this look either. Then you need some shoes. Can you believe these are Doc Martins?!

via Caleb Gardner

How about a nice accessory? A watch, perhaps?

via Jason Armstrong

Honestly I usually end up buying a hip t-shirt. Like this one, available in several awesome destinations for that guy with a serious case of wanderlust. 

from pilotandcaptain.com via Caleb Gardner

So what do you buy for Father's Day? 

Prayer Request Thursday

"Couldn't everyone use a little more prayer in their daily life?" That's how my friend Hillary replied when I threw out a random tweet yesterday for anyone to let me know if they would like me to pray for them. I was totally serious so even though she shared no specific need with me, I interceded on her behalf yesterday morning.

Interestingly, praying for her actually blessed me a ton. So much that I decided to extend the offer here as well. Sometimes I feel like I'm praying the same self-focused stuff over and over so I really like being able to bring someone other than myself before the throne of grace. I believe with every ounce of my being in the effectiveness of prayer so I regularly ask other people to pray for my needs. Multiplying efforts, ya know? So today I'm returning the favor, so to speak. 

If you want me to pray for you, leave me a comment and I will. I promise. If you have a specific request and feel comfortable sharing it there, go for it. Who knows who else might see it and join my prayers. That's what they call community, y'all. If you have a pressing need that you don't feel comfortable sharing, you can always email me at sbhubbell at comcast dot net. 

I'm serious when I promise to pray for you. We've been talking about prayer a ton at church in the past month and I have learned a lot. I'm still pretty self-conscious praying out loud in front of a group but I enjoy my alone time with God. 

You don't even have to be a Christian to want some prayer, right? So even if you aren't sure what good it'll do, if you want it...just let me know. I'm an equal opportunity pray-er. ;) 

What can I ask God for on your behalf today? 

Our Adoption Timeline...Part 1

Haitian art by Bigaud

So I thought I'd give you a little glimpse of where we are in this journey to adopt a daughter from Haiti. Eventually the condensed timeline will be a permanent page on this blog, but for part one I thought I'd just show you chronologically how we got to the same page and made the decision to adopt.

There's a lot of details in between these dates that could fill a book, but the big key ingredient here is prayer. Tons and tons and tons of prayer. Not just mine either, Mike's too, and also the countless people who knew my private desire for God to bring Mike to the same decision. I asked other adoptive moms and wives to pray for us. I asked the ladies in our life group to pray for us. I filled out Stand In The Gap cards so the prayer team at our church would pray that Mike would hear the Lord's calling too.

The one thing I did not do was nag, pester, manipulate or pressure Mike. I asked him about whether or not we could personally adopt a child once in May 2010 and once his opinion was clear, I left it up to the Lord and didn't ask again until February 2012. Here's what I DID do during that time, other than pray.

5/2010 First wrote out loud my desire to open our home to more kids. Sponsored Mbeyu. Mike was noooooot on board.

6/2010 The Cordes family announces plans to adopt from Ethiopia.

7/2010 Collected formula to send to orphans in Ethiopia.

8/2010 Attended first Alliance 14:18 meeting.
Formed 1:17 adoption ministry. Joined the group in a support role only.

9/2010 Wrote this.

9/26/2010 Just read the last paragraph.
Kristen Welch launched Mercy House and we became monthly supporters.

10/2010  Followed the Together For Adoption conference very closely online. Met Aaron Walling of A Child's Right at WEFTEC

12/21/2010 Participated in Nat'l Adoption Day as a photographer and volunteer.
Christmas Café benefit for 1:17 adoption fund.

1/12/2011 Anniversary of Haiti earthquake…watched the Ivey's adoption video.

3/11/2011 First annual Run 4 The Children benefiting 1:17 adoption fund.

7/2011  Our friends the Ferows decide to be foster parents. I wrote this: I'm Adopted

9/2011  Our group starts reading Reclaiming Adoption

11/2011  Orphan Sunday 
Hudson Balin is born and joins the Balin family including adopted big brother Asher.

12/2011 Corben Smith comes home from China

1/2012  Our group starts reading Adopted for Life

2/24/2012  Together for Them adoption conference

2/25/2012 At the Holy Spirit's prompting, I ask Mike why we shouldn't adopt. He says we should. I flip out.

Stay tuned for Part 2 where I will update you on what happened after that big momentous decision.

Planting Trees

Making things grow and bloom is not easy. It requires intentional work, tilling the ground, adding some good soil, providing the right food.

Daily watering to quench thirst and protect from the blazing sun that gives life but can also scorch and burn. 

Last week my grandfather gave me some bare root plants and tree saplings he received in the mail. Some he had requested months before from a nursery catalog. After planting two rose bushes in his yard he realized digging holes and planting is no longer a good activity for him at 92 years old. Another joy given up. 

The ten tiny tree saplings were mailed to him by the Arbor Day Foundation after he gave them a donation. He's always donating to various non-profits. He had no use for them but my backyard is an vast un-landscaped plot of shadeless grass.

I put the daylillys he gave me in the front garden. Beneath the soil and mulch I can't see them but I hope they will grow. 

In the back yard I dug big holes for two more rose bushes that looked like a dead mess of sticks and roots. The book that accompanied the plants assured me they were not dead, only dormant. They WILL grow, it said. So I mixed in some good soil and gave them a long drink. 

One by one my son and I dug deep, small holes for the tiny dry tree saplings we were given. I had a list of what kind of trees they were; dogwood, crepe myrtle, maple, etc. But they all look the same to me right now. Not really any distinguishing features. Tiny twigs with small roots rising out of the ground only a foot or two.

 

We put them in the dirt and gave them a drink. After the labor of planting in the hot, sticky air we watched the sun go down over the houses. The Texas sky turned pink and purple. We took our nightly rest.

A miracle happened while we weren't looking. Tender new growth appeared on once dry twigs. Microscopic buds and leaves and shoots from dormant branches. 

There is a beautiful song by Andrew Peterson that speaks of Planting Trees. 

We chose the spot, we dug the hole
We laid the maples in the ground to have and hold
As Autumn falls to Winters sleep
We pray that somehow in the Spring
The roots grow deep
And many years from now
Long after we are gone
These trees will spread their branches out
And bless the dawn

He took a plane to Africa
He gathered up into his arms
An orphan son
So many years from now
Long after we are gone
This tree will spread its branches out
And bless the dawn

So sit down and write that letter
Sign up and join the fight
Sink in to all that matters
Step out into the light
Let go of all that's passing
Lift up the least of these
Lean into something lasting
Planting trees

She rises up as morning breaks
She moves among these rooms alone
Before we wake
And her heart is so full; it overflows
She waters us with love and the children grow
So many years from now
Long after we are gone
These trees will spread their branches out
And bless the dawn
These trees will spread their branches out
And bless someone

This is the kind of planting I have been doing much of lately. Watering children with love. Joining the fight for the overlooked and abandoned. Sinking in to what matters. Having faith that someday, a long time from now, this planting will yield beautiful fruit. 


What have you been planting? 

What To Expect When You're Expecting {Movie Review}

When I saw a trailer for What to Expect When You're Expecting months ago I thought it looked cute, but I also thought it was mostly about a bunch of yuppie friends who expressed disdain for parenthood until they accidentally got pregnant. So that's not what it's about at all. It's actually five couples in almost completely separate plot lines who all seem to relish being in the family way. Sorta like Valentine's Day but for the mom demographic.

The movie has a really great cast with standout performances by Elizabeth Banks and Rebel Wilson. Jennifer Lopez is good but not too unlike most of her other roles and Chris Rock is fantastic being...well...Chris Rock. Anna Kendrick is pretty terrific but that's no surprise if you've seen Up In The Air. Cameron Diaz is pretty much an extra muscular version of herself and Dennis Quaid is hilariously obnoxious. Chace Crawford is positively yummy. 

From the first minute of the movie I was laughing and I didn't stop for another half hour at least. Having experienced the joys of pregnancy before there was so much I could relate to. The dads group scenes were by far the funniest, which is why, I'm sure, they focused on those so much in the trailer even though they are not main characters in the film. They served a really important role though, other than humor, and in the end I wanted to applaud their praise of fatherhood. 

I don't want to give away too much of the movie but there are some really important scenes and dialogue that may touch some raw nerves in many mothers or wishful mothers. Keeping in mind that it's only a two hour movie with five stories to tell, I'm glad they covered as much ground as they did, though many complex issues had to be simplified. 

The movie definitely simplified and took poetic license with the process of international adoption, but I'm so glad they gave it so much focus in this movie. Other than making it look too easy and a very unrealistic "gotcha day" scene, the movie did justice to adoptive families. I loved how it explored the couple dynamics and the emotional roller coaster of adoption right along with the other pregnancies. Of course the Ethiopian babies are absolutely precious. 

Oh and this movie has a fantastic soundtrack too, if you ask me. Yeah, a good soundtrack can make a movie ya know. 

So as a mom who knows a thing or two about trying to conceive, pregnancy, birth and adoption, I could not have liked this movie more. Well ok, maybe if all the couples were married I would have liked it more, but that wouldn't be very realistic would it? Yes and I did have to suspend my critical nature for some rather unrealistic moments but hey...it's a comedy. I would definitely see it again. 

Love Is Not Enough

This past weekend Mike and I went to a small adoption seminar in Huntsville. The seminar was presented by our social worker, Beth, for couples adopting through America World (our agency) that are in the home study process. We met three other really great couples, two adopting from Ethiopia and one hoping to bring home a baby girl they met in Uganda. One couple lives just down the road from us, I probably run past their house every week.

The reason for this kind of seminar and *all* the online training and required reading is to prepare us as fully as possible. Beth said her job was to scare us and make us aware of the hard reality of adoption. Adoption is in many ways not at all like raising biological kids. In many ways it is, and there are risks with both kinds of parenting, but with adoption we know the children have at the very least already had to deal with a loss, even if they are adopted at birth. Abandonment, deprivation and institutionalization can have profound and deeply rooted affects on children, even neurologically and physically as their brains develop.

Fortunately because Mike and I have been part of an adoption focused small group for nearly two years, none of this is a surprise to us. As much as I hated not knowing if and when the Lord would work on Mike's heart to bring him to the same conclusion as mine regarding adoption, in a way I'm glad that he isn't hearing about the behavioral problems that can come with adopted kids for the first time now. I'm glad we aren't naive to the major challenges that lie ahead as we rush forward through this paper chase. If all you know is what you see in those wonderful Gotcha Day videos, you certainly might think the hardest part is over once you've got them home.

Still, all this teaching and warning can be discouraging. We're human and to say we don't have moments of anxiety would be dishonest. Thankfully I know that it's really not about what I can handle as a parent. It's about relying fully on the power and strength God can and will give me, and making sure He gets the glory for it. I'm not discounting how hard it *could* be, but I am discounting the need to worry about it. Worrying isn't my style and it's absolutely never worth it. "Counting the cost" isn't the same as worrying.

The seminar spent a lot of time listening to Karyn Purvis talk about building trust with adopted children. She talked about how especially if we already have biological kids we may have to be flexible with our strategies and try out different parenting techniques. She talked about how it can be necessary to go way beyond "good enough" parenting into "investment" parenting. If you do the hard work on the front end there is great hope for joyful healing in the long term.

All this talk about what kind of parents were most effective in raising adopted children did one thing for me...it confirmed again the Lord's calling and gifting to Mike and I. The more she talked, the more I saw her describing areas in which we have always excelled. From the day we met one of the biggest things we have in common is our ability to delay short term gratification for long term goals. We are more often than not able to be reflective rather than reactive (Mike even more than me). We are great at purposely creating a very slow pace of life for our family sometimes.

So in a training session designed to warn and prepare parents for the worst, I was actually smiling as I felt God whisper to me "See? This is why I brought you two together. This is what you were meant for. I have gifted you for this."

Happy Mother's Day To My Mom

Last year at the Mom 2.0 Summit conference I was interviewed about my mom and what I learned from her and about my role as a mom. It was part of a campaign and TV commercial for milk. I got a copy of my video and I thought I would post it this year for Mother's Day.

That's my mom over there with my Alex. She looks pretty young, huh? It's kind of a bummer my kids don't see her as much as I'd like, but we can only afford to go back to Pennsylvania once a year. We all look forward to that trip every summer. The kids especially like staying at my mom's beach house, playing in the waves and fishing in the lake behind the house. This summer my sister's family will be with us at the beach too, which I'm sure will be super fantastic fun.

Well Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

How We Chose Our Adoption Agency, America World

Haiti is not a huge country, but it is certainly the poorest and most devastated country on our side of the globe. As you might imagine, I spend a lot of time reading about Haiti these days. I read every blog post and news article I can find. I'm grateful for people like Tara Livesay and John McHoul who blog about life in Haiti daily. I love love love that Facebook allows me to find photos of orphanages and kids and hear updates on adoption progress from people like Tom Vanderwell and Dixie Bickel of God's Littlest Angels (GLA).

So a bit about how we chose our agency and orphanage. Once Mike and I decided that we would move forward with adopting I started researching agencies and country programs. I requested information from about a dozen different major US agencies. Some were secular, some were Christian. There was a huge difference in how some were presented in their marketing materials from others. When I opened a packet and the first thing I saw was a sheet listed "Polices and Procedures" I was not instantly drawn to that. On the other hand, when I see stories of how God is the author of adoption and protector of the orphan all over another packet it rings true.

Upon the advice of friends I initially looked into adopting from GLA, but we wanted to work though a major US agency. GLA works through Bethany Christian Services which I have been familiar with since I was a kid so I thought that might be a great option. Well the whole time we were praying that God would make the path to our child crystal clear to us, and that it would be His leading, not our logic, that directed our steps. Well God closed that door to us quite firmly when Bethany responded to us that they had recently adopted a new homestudy procedure and there were...get this...ZERO social workers in the entire state of Texas trained in their procedure. That meant they could not accept any new families until somebody got trained to do their homestudies.

So with some disappointment, we moved on. Very few major Hague accredited agencies in the US have Haiti programs yet. They are all working on laying the groundwork and establishing relationships in country. America World (AWAA) is the agency that our close friends the Cordes family are working through on their adoption from Ethiopia. Our friends the Arnolds are working with them as well, and they I learned my friends the McCrory family are waiting on a baby from China with AWAA and Jen and Brandon Hatmaker adopted through them too. That's some darn good endorsements.

Truth be told, I've been following AWAA's pilot program in Haiti since it opened back in September, and I knew we fit their requirements for adoption perfectly. Their program was on my brain for months as I was praying for God to move my husband towards this journey.  I wasn't set on their program by any means, I just wanted to adopt and I didn't know if it was going to happen at all. One thing I refused to do was pressure Mike, so I never even mentioned this program to him. I just continued to pray and read AWAA's blog regularly, to see what news there was in general but also as it related to our other friends waiting for referrals from Ethiopia.

Before we decided for sure on Haiti we seriously considered Ethiopia and China's Waiting Child program. Just so you know, a healthy child from China is now a 5-7 year wait. The wait time for a referral from Ethiopia is also steadily increasing but is running around 2-3 years now. There are still tons of families applying for orphans from both those countries. Haiti's requirements are narrower and the path forward is less clear, so there are fewer applicants.

So one day I called AWAA with a few questions about the  various programs and had a long conversation with a woman whose name I can't recall. She happened to answer the main phone line. She was amazing and warm and full of answers and assurances and she talked about prayer and the Lord's leading over and over. I seriously cried while talking to her because I just felt like she understood my feeling over being overwhelmed by the research and I felt the Holy Spirit pouring right through the phone from her to me.

Eventually we settled on Haiti. Then I found out the names of three orphanages AWAA was partnering with in Haiti. I decided to research those specifically and asked around a bit. My social network is huge, y'all, and I am an engineer and highly resourceful. I got some info that pointed me in the direction of H.I.S. Home for Children, which is run by American missionaries Chris and Hal Nungester. So with as much research as possible we decided to apply to AWAA and were accepted, and now we have formally applied through them to be matched with a child from HIS Home.

Here's a good video clip from CBS This Morning from January that talks a bit about adoption in Haiti in general and specifically about a little girl from HIS Home. This will give you a little glimpse at the place we believe (at least for now) that our daughter will be raised until we can bring her home.

Here's also a really wonderful video of another family in the process of adopting from HIS Home as well. Hopefully I'll get to meet them someday since they are not far from us in Austin. 

   

What Is Marriage About?

I've been married for almost 14 years now. Filling out the hundreds of questions for our homestudy allowed a bit of reflection and I saw that we have been blessed and God has been so faithful to Mike and I in our relationship with each other. It's not perfect but it's good, really good.

Just when I think I understand what it means to serve my husband selflessly, out of love for Christ and him, I see this video. This is what marriage truly is meant to be, a picture of how Christ loves and serves His bride, the church.
 
 From the Desiring God website.

Incomplete

I wish I knew her name. 

We don't know if we are going to keep our daughter's given name or change it yet, it depends on how old she is when she is matched with us. We haven't thought too much about it except that I pour over the names of other Haitian orphan girls I encounter and see if I like their various names or not. Most are very French sounding, which is nice. I'm partial to names like Brielle or Daniela. We'll see. I'm just tired of referring to her as "the baby" or "our daughter" in conversation. We're currently trying to decide which bedroom "the baby" will get. 

We needed two new family photos for our dossier. Here's one.

For those who have asked, the time frame is still a bit unknown. Part of it depends on the particular orphanage we would like to work with and whether or not they have infant girls available for adoption or how long till some desparate mother or aunt or uncle arrives on their doorstep with a child they cannot care for. I've read some of these stories of why the children are left there and they break my heart. So many mothers dying in childbirth at home. So many newborns fed sugar water or damp cookies because their mamas are sick or dead and formula is not an option. The fathers or other family members already have five other kids and can't feed any of them. It's the rainy season right now in Haiti and cholera is coming back with a vengeance. It's treatable but only if they get to a clinic in time and that is often impossible since there aren't many open now. 

Here's the other. These photos feel very incomplete.

Ok back to the time frame. The first major step is to finish our homestudy. We have the first of three interviews next weekend and I hope we can get the other two done in May. Then it's up to our social worker how quickly she writes the report. I'm told that our particular social work is awesome and that if she isn't working with too many families she can be very quick. But it could take her a couple months. We'll see. Once that is done it gets sent to our orphanage where they work on getting us a referral. This is a big part of the unknown right now. It could take a month or a year to find out who, specifically, is meant to be our daughter. 

In the meantime we'll be finishing up more paperwork for our dossier. I'd like that to be done by September but part of that depends on the US government for a form declaring us eligible to adopt and we all know how the federal government can be. Anyway after our referral they take the child's information and our dossier and start the laborious process of having it approved by Haitian social services. After that we get her passport and visa from US immigration. Generally we're told to expect 18 months from referral till she can come home, but that seems to vary pretty widely. They are right at this moment restructuring Haitian social services (IBESR) so hopefully it'll be more efficient in the future. We hope...and pray. 

We pray a lot these days. 

Adoption is a Strange Process

I promised I'd write more about our adoption process but honestly it's hard to know where to begin. I should start at the beginning and give you a whole bunch of background, but right now we are neck deep in paperwork and appointments so it's hard to think about much else besides how fast can I get this done. 

A small fraction of our required reading.

Honestly so far things have been pretty smooth sailing. I got a jumpstart on stuff by ordering official copies of birth certificates and our marriage license before we even applied to an agency. Ohio (where I was born) was lightning quick but we are still waiting on Pennsylvania to send our stuff. Last weekend I handed out reference letters for our friends to fill out and mail off for us. On Monday Mike had his physical and bloodwork and Pepper had her past due vaccinations. Today I'm pulling both kids out of school to get a tuberculosis test and get their well-check forms filled out. Today I also mailed off our passports for renewal. Next week is my physical. Mike and I each answered (in essay form) three hundred or so personal questions about our upbringing, marriage, personality, parenting style, etc etc etc... I've called and set up a meeting with a local psychologist so she can declare us mentally stable and I still have to pay a visit to the local sheriff for a letter saying we have no history with them. 

Believe it or not, our bank has to write a personal letter vouching for us as a customer. So do each of our employers, our pastor and our doctors. All must be notarized. I had to send a dimensioned floor plan of our house...good thing it's new enough that our exact model could be found online! We have to put those stupid childproof outlet covers in EVERY. SINGLE. OUTLET. of our home, which in a house our size is about a billion. Thankfully they cancelled the requirement for the county health inspector and fire marshall to come out and inspect the home...our friends had to do that. Now just our social worker will fulfill that job when she comes for our home visit. 

Then there's the required reading list and training. We each have to complete a ten hour online course all about intercountry adoption under the Hague convention. I hear it's pretty boring but I've been procrastinating on actually starting it. I have, however, started reading the nine books we are required by our agency to read...three we both have to read and three different ones each of us has to read. So every moment that I'm not actively pursuing paperwork or doing my actual day job or tending to my family, I'm reading adoption books. Seriously. 

One thing I'm profoundly grateful for is our financial situation. Most adoptive couples are also worried about fundraising for the massive fees associated with an international adoption at the same time as they are dealing with this paperwork. We have enough funds saved to at least get us well down the road before we need to start actively working to gather up the rest of the money needed. We can't apply for grants until our homestudy is complete, and even then we won't qualify for most due to our income levels. This is a tough spot to be in, much like applying for financial aid for college. It's not like dropping 30-40K at once isn't going to be rough, even at our two very high incomes. Not to mention the fact that our church is going through a campaign at the moment that we feel very called to help with. So we're trusting that God will provide and that His timing for cash flow will work out, but I am so glad to not be super stressed over how to pay for the high upfront fees. 

One thing I continue to see over and over through this...God is good. He's so incredibly good. I am beyond grateful and joyful for this opportunity, this adventure before us.