In Which I Turn Into a Ball of Mush

This new year has ushered in a new awareness for me that my youngest child, Alex, will be starting Kindergarten in the fall. With an August birthday he'll probably be the youngest in the his class but likely the tallest anyway and he's ready so we aren't red-shirting him. He's been in daycare/preschool three full days a week for the past three years.

He has also been home with me on two days a week for the past three years. For at least the past year that has been very enjoyable time, one on one with my little man. Granted I do put him in childcare at the gym for a short workout those days, but we also hang out at our local coffee shop, hit the grocery store together and play games together. 

So one day earlier this month we were strolling through the grocery aisle on a Tuesday morning when it dawned on me that my little buddy wouldn't be with me to do that in a few short months. It made me surprisingly sad. 

My older kid had two years of Kindergarten, one private and one public. For whatever reason I remember no melancholy over his going five days a week, or even taking the big bus home from school every day. 

But Alex is my youngest and I admit he probably gets treated a bit differently than his brother. I notice how he's losing his baby belly and how he has peer to peer conversations with his brother. I hate that I can't pick him up and carry him, even though I used to hate how much that hurt my back. He still is in a big silly phase and uses made up language all the time that remind me that he's only four. 

A couple nights ago he crawled into our bed at 5am. I miss cuddling in bed with my babies so much that I'm inclined to let him stay but Mike was having none of it. It was becoming habitual and getting earlier and earlier in the morning. So when we told him he couldn't stay he burst into babyish tears and I totally melted. In my early morning haze I had no resolve in me and selfishly wanted him to stay so Mike took over and walked him back to bed. In the end we all got another couple hours of sleep we wouldn't have had. 

Kindergarten registration isn't till April in our district, but I'm dreading it. I'm not ready for my baby to grow up just yet. Is this why some women just seem to keep having babies? I suspect it is. 


Sarah Hubbell said...

oh I feel you friend - very mush our situation here as well. =)


Sarah Hubbell said...

I just wonder why it seems much harder with the youngest child? 

Sarah Hubbell said...

I cried when M went to Kindergarten. I was a bit sad with Em, but nothing like with the "baby."

Sarah Hubbell said...

Yeah what's the DEAL WITH THAT? I mean, you work full time right so you probably weren't even changing your schedule that much. I should be jumping for joy at having two extra days to myself, not paying for childcare anymore and probably taking at least a 50% increase in pay. (Assuming I go from 20 hrs/wk to 30). But no...I like having a buddy on my days off. 

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