Of Life and Loss

I haven't felt especially inspired to write at this here blog lately, but that's not because I haven't had lots of amazing thoughts and discoveries lately. I sometimes just feel like I don't have the adequate words to describe them. I read a lot, and I am quite often humbled by the magnificent writing of great storytellers. That's one thing I have never been very good at, storytelling. I can talk up a storm, but the ability to weave a compelling story is a special gift I don't have.

But leave it to hormones to make me all emotive. Yesterday I heard a lot of bad news. A blogger I read who contributes at this awesome site for moms of boys called The Mob Society lost her entire house and dog in a fire. Her family is thankfully not harmed. Another blogger who is a member of Beth Moore's Siestas community and a wife and mother of two girls had a massive stroke and is currently fighting for her life. I can't even imagine what they are going through right now.

My thoughts also turned to Haiti as we remember the anniversary of the devastating earthquake that took hundreds of thousands of lives and left millions homeless even still. I watched some incredible videos, one of a tent city that is functioning fairly well without aid, and one of the Ivey family the day they were finally able to bring their adopted son Amos home from Haiti right after the earthquake. Moving stuff.

For some reason yesterday, and this is unusual for me, I thought of the baby I lost before Alex was born. Someone on Mike's blog had said that 2006 was the best year ever (I guess for PSU sports and college kids it was) which made me remember my miscarriage that year. Sometimes I still grieve that child, but without that event we wouldn't have had Alex, who is adorable and precious and funny and feisty. God is sovereign. That photo of me and Nathan was taken at the height of my grief, the weekend after our fateful ultrasound but before my D&E. I love that photo, it is a strong reminder of the unique life that I never got to hold.

Oddly enough later in the day yesterday I stumbled across a review on Amazon for a new bestselling book called Heaven is For Real, by Todd Burpo. I've never been into that kind of book, but since it's going to be the NYTimes #1 best seller this week I was curious.

It's a supposedly true story about a 4 year old son of a Nebraska pastor who during surgery goes to heaven and comes back, telling amazing details in the way only a child could, including meeting details about a great-grandfather he never knew and meeting his miscarried sister he didn't even know about. Of course I'm highly skeptical of stuff like that, but the first review I read was also by a Christian skeptic, and he seemed to find it remarkably believable. What caught my attention was he specifically recommended the book for mothers who had lost a child to miscarriage. It kind of startled me. So I'll be picking up that book now. I'll let you know what I think.